Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Dustin Diamond Addicted To Doritos

by Mo Diggs

In Season 2, Episode 9 of Saved By The Bell, entitled Jessie's Song, Jessie (Elizabeth Berkley) develops a seemingly unshakable addiction to caffeine pills. Screech (Dustin Diamond(, the Brillo-headed comic relief, makes an off-handed comment of being addicted to Doritos. Beneath the tip of that glacier were endless reserves of pain and struggle: Dustin Diamond was indeed indulging in Dorito binges backstage, living the life of yet another child star cliche.

During a break from shooting the first episode of Saved By The Bell, Diamond heard Casey Kasem giggling in the bathroom with Lark Voorhies. When an increasingly jealous Diamond swung open the bathroom stall door, he reportedly saw Kasem snorting Dorito powder off Voorhies' supple cafe au lait breasts. Thus the downward spiral began.

Mario Lopez was the first to notice Diamond's increasingly erratic behavior on the set. "D-Rock was showing up late to work," Lopez recalls. "When he did show up, I noticed him dipping a tiny spoon into a 99 cent Cool Ranch Doritos bag and snorting off the spoon." Diamond surprised everyone-even Voorhies-when he tried to legally change his name to Dorito Dustin' Diamond.

His voracious appetite continued well after The Bell was off the air. In 2007, he decided to get help by joining Celebrity Fit Club. Using an experimental Dorito anti-addictive called cocaine, he kicked the habit. Now Dustin Diamond is back in the spotlight as a world-class asshole-all because he brought his addiction to a screech-ing halt after realizing life was as precious as a diamond.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Turding: The Sex Tape

By Kevin Tor

The incident occurred after the episode where Zack requires knee surgery from stepping on Mr. Belding during a pre-championship basketball game pep talk. Throughout the day's shoot, Dennis Haskins was ogling Lark Voorhies in her candy striper costume. It was making the cast and crew uncomfortable. Director Dennis Erdman took Haskins aside and asked him about it. He denied the ogling but everyone knew. Haskins had a history of that kind of fever.

Later that night, Mario Lopez returned to the set. He left his keys in the Cavaricci's worn by Slater during the episode. As Lopez approached the wardrobe rack where the Slater pants hung, he heard moaning coming from one of the hospital rooms. Then he heard Haskins yell "I'm going to hide my head in your Turtle shell." Going in for a closer look, Lopez saw Haskins with his pants down having sex with a black woman wearing a candy striper outfit. The curtain concealed the woman's face but Lopez heard Haskins say, "Turtle." Lopez, easily disgusted, mumbled, "Oh, Dennis. With Lark? How could you?" Then, Lopez noticed the video camera with the red light on. "And you're taping it," he sighed.

Just then, Lark Voorhies walked up next to Lopez. "Who's taping what?" Voorhies inquired. Lopez, more confused, pointed towards the room and Voorhies' eyes followed. "Once you go Haskins, you never go Back-skins," Haskins yelled as he pumped away. Voorhees looked on with horrified fascination. 

Wanting to find out who it was, Lopez took a playful approach. "Hey. Hey. Hey. What is going on here?" he yelled, mimicking Belding's trademark catch phrase. Startled, Haskins pulled out and fumbled with his pants. The woman hid behind the curtain with a shriek. "Mario, what are you doing here?" Haskins asked. "I forgot my keys. What, or might I say, who are you doing? said Lopez. Haskins, realizing he was caught, invited the woman out from behind the curtain. 

The woman getting slammed from behind by Dennis Haskins was Susan Beaubian, the woman who played Lisa's mom, or Dr. Turtle. The footage of this circulated around the internet for some time under the title "Ass Paved By The Bell-ding." Up until this entry, all viewers of said tape believed it to be Dennis Haskins and Lark Voorhies but I'm here to set the record straight: Dennis Haskins did not have video-taped sex with Lark Voorhies. It was Susan Beaubian, the woman who played Mrs. Nordberg in the first "Naked Gun" movie.