The Two Zacks

by Kevin Tor

It was the day of filming on the episode where Zack gets bid on at the date auction but the auction winner wasn't who he thought it would be. I think the title was "Zack Learns To Accept Fatties." But that's beside the point. The morning got off to a bad start. The woman responsible for creating the blonde bike helmet known as Zack's hair was late and Mark-Paul Gosselaar's roots were showing. If that weren't enough, the first larger actress that showed up had a brain and realized how offensive the script was causing the casting director to find a last-minute replacement.

When they tried to get the woman that cuts all the sleeves off Mario Lopez’s shirts to do Gosselaar’s hair, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Gosselaar quit the show stating, “I can’t work under these conditions” and stormed off the set. Unlike finding another fat girl that wouldn’t make the viewers change the channel in disgust, finding another Zack was easy. The producers were aware of Gosselaar’s flight risk and had a Plan B. What you are about to read has been kept a secret for seventeen years:

This episode and the rest of Season Three featured Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s twin brother, Paul-Mark Gosselaar, in the role of Zack. All employees and cast members affiliated with the show were forced to sign a confidentiality agreement.

Paul-Mark Gosselaar was not as good looking as Mark-Paul. He had a scar under his right eye which led to many scenes with Zack in sunglasses. He was amazing at air guitar leading the writers to make the episode featuring the Zack Attack. He got along with the cast and he never caused the kinds of problems Mark-Paul did. Unfortunately, shortly after filming completed on the Murder Mystery Weekend episode, Paul-Mark drove off the lot and never made it home. He died in an auto accident.

The studio was stuck. The other twin, Goss-Paul Markelaar, was mentally retarded and would never fool the astute audience. They went back to Mark-Paul with a huge contract. He agreed and finished off Zack’s senior year.

No one knows if Mark-Paul had anything to do with Paul-Mark’s death. No one knows if it was Goss-Paul, either. He had been known to hang out under cars with a pair of wire snips to pass the day. In the end, there just wasn’t enough left of the car to do an investigation and the parents wanted to get on with their lives.

A bit of trivia: During Season Four, one of the trophies in the Bayside Trophy Case was the urn containing Paul-Mark’s ashes.

Ah, Dirty Outtakes

By Sue Funke

Did you think the Saved By the Bell cast were all pure as the driven snow? Not true. I mean, look at this video where all the f*ckin' cussing has been bleeped out. Poddy mouths, every last one of them.

About the author:
Sue Funke is a talented writer and comedian. She writes the awesome blog I Love TV More Than You. Check it out.

Dewey Defeats Silver

By Kevin Tor

Everyone knows the episode where Jessie takes the caffeine pills to handle all of the pressures of high school.



What people don’t know is that after shooting wrapped, the cast party got out of hand. Dennis Haskins left the set early because he was coming down with a cold and wanted to get some sleep. That left all six members of the main cast plus Patrick Thomas O’Brien (the brilliantly, unexcitable Mr. Dewey). The boys were downing Budweisers. The drink of choice for the girls that night was sex on the beach. The girls were on the hard stuff because they were trying to get the stupid Hot Sundaes song out of their head. It must have played over a hundred times on set that day.

One thing about skinny teenagers drinking - it doesn’t take much. Three drinks in, Lark Voorhies started yelling, “Everyone comes up to me and says it’s so refreshing that they have a black girl on that show. Yeah, real refreshing. I’m sure Rosa Parks would be real proud that I’m dancing on the fucking furthest back trampoline. I’m hotter than those skinny-ass, white girls.” Tiffani-Amber Thiessen took offense and claimed her body was hotter than Lark’s.

The two sloshed teenagers went to the table where the guys were playing poker. Tiffani asked who’s hotter, her or Lark. In what must have been the shortest beauty pageant in history, the guys declared Lark the winner. Tiffani, upset, demanded a recount and offered to show her chest. Immediately, O’Brien blurted out, “I’d get more of a handful from Screech. No thanks.” This caused a roar to come from the table and high fives were exchanged.

Dustin Diamond yelled out, “For the last time, that’s not my name.”

To which Mario Lopez replied, “Shut up, ass. Why don’t you keep writing in your notebook so you can remember how we never let you take part in the fun.”

Tiffani ran off crying and called her boyfriend, Brian Austin Green. Twenty minutes later, Green showed up raging mad, calling for O’Brien’s head. O’Brien said, “You don’t want none of this. Go back to 90210.” But Green was persistent and O’Brien got up from his chair. The two circled each other. Green swung first and O’Brien dodged. He countered with a punch to Green’s midsection that knocked the wind out of him. He followed that up with an uppercut to the chin that put Green on the ground. Green was unconscious and O’Brien went back to his seat and continued dealing the cards.

Like I said, everyone knows the “Jessie’s Song” episode but now you know what happened after.